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My Cocoon

Covid has certainly changed all our plans this year, so when I wanted to keep up my website and begin interviewing people for articles that I wanted to write, it became complicated with the restrictions we have right now. So, that idea was put on hold, but at the same time, God is leading me in a different direction.

God has me on a whole new path. I believe in this time of waiting, that God is growing us. He is ‘working this to the good, for those who love Him and are called to His purpose.’  (Rom. 8:28) For some, He is teaching patience, for some He is teaching about idols in their lives and their busy-ness, and for some He is giving rest.

As for me – I have felt this year to be a waiting period, strengthening my patience, yet giving me time to hear God’s voice and direction. In fact, while I would love for Him to give me a starting point on a new path, instead, I feel nowhere near a starting point.

I feel as if I am in a cocoon, transforming while in a slumber.

I’m not one who enjoys long slumber. If I ever get so lucky to have a nap, I only need a ten minute power nap to feel refreshed.

 

I am a do-er, and I feel the need to be doing. But there are so many things that must come about, before I begin in whatever direction I feel the Lord leading. And right now, that is simply to get through, with the rest of the world, this period of Covid and its corollaries.

I think we all have had visions of what we want to do “once Covid is over’ and we are hopeful for 2021, but I think we may need to prepare ourselves for the possibility that just because the election will be over, and a new year is around the bend, that all these changes in which we have had to adapt, may not go away January 1, 2021.

I see this as a ‘gestation’ period in my life, I feel like an ugly caterpillar spun into a cocoon while awaiting a beautiful transformation. A rebirth.

 I had already been ‘born again’ through the spirit of Jesus Christ many years ago, so what am I talking about? Revival perhaps? A refreshing?

During the beginning of the quarantine, I dove into a pool of spiritual renewing. I couldn’t get enough of God’s word, I have been reading my bible more, praying more, reading books and devotionals and I have binge-watched a tv series about Jesus and His disciples, called The Chosen.

Before Covid, I was already doing daily devotions, and also doing devotions with my husband, and spending time in my prayer room, but when everything hit this year, I felt that I needed more. I needed to set my focus on the Kingdom even more because for all I knew – this could be the end of times. Jesus may be saddling up! And even if there may still be years before He comes back, I wanted to treat each day as if there weren’t… because none of us know when, but I have a feeling when He is coming, He will come in a flash. As soon as that last person who will receive Christ as their Savior asks Jesus into their heart, I believe we will hear a loud trumpet blast! And swoop! We will all be caught up in the air! Wow! I am excited!

But back to the ugly caterpillar in her cocoon… after shaving off my hair last November, for a friend who was battling cancer, she has since passed away and I was left growing my hair back alone. I was grieving my friend, and with stress from the world’s response to Covid, I also gained back all the weight I had lost last year. So I have short hair that doesn’t have any style to it while it is in the awkward ‘growing out’ stages, and I am back in my fat clothes.

Worse… I threw out my fat clothes, certain I would never let myself get this size again, yet I was forced to buy size fourteen – again. Some of my size twelves still fit, but not the way I’d like, so I have a journey. I’m not headed back to the size five I was before menopause, I think a goal of size ten will be sufficient for my health to be where it needs to be and that is my concern. My mind is not focused on dreams for myself or what I want others to think of me, but more on what I need to be doing as I ready for Jesus’ return.

So, while in my cocoon, I’m still about the Lord’s business as much as I can be – encouraging others in whatever way I can, helping to disciple my newly saved granddaughter, and being available to God as I put on the whole armor.

While everything is closed, or only partially re-opened, and while people are not comfortable gathering together, I am in my cocoon, but I’m not cowering. I am being transformed… by the renewing of my mind, my heart, my spirit.

I am being fed.

Yes, I’ve let myself have comfort foods during Covid, but moreover, I have indulged on spiritual food. So that when things do get ‘somewhat back to normal’ I will be ready for what God has next. I feel that something exciting is around the corner, whether it IS the Rapture or it will be a new path in my life. In all of our lives.

I am getting close to having my book finished that God has me writing, and I know that will be part of this new thing. So I look forward to 2022 when I think I will be ready to publish my book, and my hair will be grown passed the awkward stages, and I know I will be back on track with clean eating and exercise. The cocoon is not for me to cower or to be defeated, but it is where my spirit is growing, my heart is taking in the things that matter most, and I am at rest accepting the halt in our lives, the waiting… because I know that God is working things to the good, and this is bigger than my little life…

My hair and physical state isn’t really my focus even though I will feel better making those changes. But our whole world is going through a huge transformation.

And 2021 may not be the year that magically puts everything back in its place. Next year, we may still be changing, growing heading for something new. We may never go back to normal, after watching our County dismantle itself, but God does promise He is making a new a new thing.

So let’s not feel defeated or anxious. Let us not focus on all that is wrong. Let us ‘seek Him while He may be found’ let us focus on the good that is happening, and the changes that will make us better.

This world will NEVER be perfect. It won’t. So we can’t live as though we think it should or focus on why it’s not. Instead we need to live each day asking God what it is HE plans for us, in furthering the Kingdom. Look to where He is working and join in.

Ten years ago, my joy was interviewing people and writing their stories about their lives, and I loved making them feel good about their accomplishments. I loved helping them shine. There was nothing wrong with that and I do feel it was where God was using me, to lift their spirit. I was hoping to bring that back by interviewing others the way I had before.

But as the world seemed to fall apart this year, I really believe everything we do right now, should point to Jesus. Yes, I love to showcase others and give them accolades – it is important to encourage others; but our boast should be of Jesus Christ, and so as God is readying me for the next new thing in my writing, I believe if I am to interview others, it won’t be about their accomplishments, but more about what Jesus has done in their lives. And that is exciting.

While in my cocoon, I am writing the book He has placed on my heart. It all points to him. And that is my heart’s desire.

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